I'm just back from South England Easter Conference. How long have I not felt so blessed? It seems to be recalling some valuable fragments hidden deep in my memory blue sea. 5 years in London. Every fall has made me a better person. Every tear has strengthened me to face a bigger challenge. Every lost has told me how much I've gained. And of course, every smile, everyone I've met and everything I've had, have shaped me in a maturer and happier person.
I've decided to leave eventually. Something will start to fade when years and years pass by. But those I cherish will stay on my mind. This treasure box will be here until the world ends.
Yesterday I was wandering in Shoreditch. I've been here so long. How come I didn't notice such lovely place around me in the past? It looks so beautiful and peaceful when it's covered by heart warming sunshine. No more drunkies or weirdos. What I can see now is that I'm gonna miss this city. The city where I once fell down and now stand firm. And where I've found myself again.
CASTING CROWNS - WHO AM I
Not because of who I am, But because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done, But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow, A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord, you catch me when I'm falling, And you've told me who I am.
It's been the worst and most hectic weeks ever in London. Right, this is no kidding. I couldn't control my temper any more, especially in front of ridiculous situation. If a loaner wants to chop off my fingers, I'll beg him to keep my middle one. The only words I can think of are all PG now. Helplessness and anger burn me live. Fortunately, it's just work. Not my life. I even reached to a point that I nearly burst into tears when I picked up his phone. Well, imagine a rubber band is stretched to a breaking point. All of a sudden, it's a call from your closest person. A gentle smiling hi would be the greatest pamper to make you cry.
At that moment, the clock was frozen. And anything didn't matter any more...
Every time I'm frustrated, I'll just start questioning myself what I'm really looking for. Is it my career or just my job? Is it truly happy or just happier than before? Or you just think it's better than before?
I don't want to think about these questions. It's Christmas, for Christ's sake! Footpath is made of footprints. We gotta keep moving to make a way. Sometimes I feel like I'm stepping on the same path, pretending to be moving forward. But whatever it is, it is a way in the end.
I've lost two contacts recently. I know why for one person but don't know the other. Disappointed, sad and helpless. But I've done what I can do. Anyway, people's relationship is mysterious. The most beautiful thing you've had could be something hurting you. I used to treasure some "extraordinary" friends because it made my ordinary canvas more colourful. Special backgrounds, famous people, talented ones, etc. I think it's the same reason why people like meeting celebrities. The weak, invisible linkage between you, as a typical one of billions, and an extraordinary person, as 1 billionth of the population, would fool yourself that you're the same in this "special circle".
But now, I just realise what I need is not extraordinary people. I need someone who make me feel extraordinary.
Renault x Channel4 Renault Loves Film To be honest, I was quite pissed off by the technical problems in this project, which we shouldn't have, and which I was told that was unsolvable. I just don't believe that we can't sort out such a basic issue. Anyway, it's finished last month. I'll just let go...
Now working on 2 interesting Christmas cards. Plus several urgent mobile application projects. Better get these done before I dash to HK. Busy busy busy...
It's been more than 2 months since my last entry. The scientists said if you continue to do 1 thing for more than 360 days, it will become your habit. It seems like... it just takes 2 months to wipe off this habit. I don't wanna destroy what I've established here, so I promise myself that I'll pick it up again. (even tho the first entry is not so pleasant) :p
Well, there are a lot of happy things happening these months but what I wanna start with is something negative.
好挫敗好唔合理好唔開心，但係話畀自己聽唔好又轉工，唔可似逃避，要堅持！又話畀自己聽唔好成日怨，否則會真係為以自己好慘，況且冇人鍾意聽negative野。無路訴之下只好blog it. It's not that serious. It's just a relief. Hope the next time I blog will be something nice. :)
May and June are very sensitive months to Chinese. 5.12 Earthquake then 6.4 Tianniman Square. I never like participating in political activities because they are always polarized that you can only stand on either extreme. I've only attended the memorial gathering for 6.4 twice in 20 years - 1989 and 2009. Never like being part of the biased western media nor "right-wing" activists. But this tragedy is worth a proper memorial.
Mai stayed at my place for her half term. It's amazing to see a teenage girl growing up day by day. Yes, it's not a long way to be grown up for her now, yet, apparently, she's got some kiddie stuff inside! :D
Mai at Alton Towers (it's like Ocean Park in HK)
It was very exciting to see my old pals here. Ding Dong's family came to England again this year and we had a valuable chat over Spanish tapas. I still remember I was in junior high school when Miss Fung and Ding Dong were getting married. Wow... their daughter grows up so quickly! Has anyone pressed the fast forward button??
We celebrated our 10th birthday last week at No.4 Hamilton Place. Everyone loved the barbeque food and nice venue. Man, it does look porsche! Well, it's interesting to see people getting drunk. I was worried before the party started since I am rubbish at social or PR stuff. Talking to clients, having fun over a drink, etc. I'm sure I can do it well... but not in English! I thought I would be a total dumb on that night but surprisingly I had loads of fun.
We then moved to Hilton for a late drink after the party. At the same time, we got the breaking news of Michael Jackson. Seriously, everyone thought it's a joke or a foul at the beginning. Caroline bursted into tears when the tragic news was found to be real. I was with her in the bathroom. "I don't know why I'm crying. I don't even like him that much!" A funny thing is, there was another girl crying for MJ inside one of the toilets. We stared at each other and couldn't help laughing. The girl laughed, too when she came out of the toilet seeing Caroline's red eyes.
I didn't cry. I just felt strange and sad. Weird.... it seems to be something missing. Especially when someone dies at his "wrong" age. I'm sure most people in this generation would feel the same even if they are not big fans of MJ. Who hasn't listened to his music? This talented, legendary and tragic weirdo is part of our lives. He is definitely our historical icon and his death cut off this little link which used to hook up whoever loves him. His life was a mess. Perhaps it's a relief to him. Do you think he would be grabbing all the money earned from his forthcoming 50 concerts and hiding himself on an island spending the rest of his life with peace and happiness? Alright, that's way too cinematic. I now accept that he has indeed left us... forever.
I've never thought that I'm such a demanding person. I should admit to myself that I would feel empty, disappointed and unhappy when I can't see him on Friday and weekend. My brain warns me not to be demanding and to be more considerate in relationship, yet my heart tells me I'm bitter. This weekend, without sticking with him, I completed some design work for Jessica's wedding, did some reading and got plenty of leisure time chilling at home. Well, actually it's not too bad to have some personal space. More productive.
The phone rang. I flew to catch it, "Hey!" I smiled again and started to melt... damn it!
Done an illustration for our client but they eventually went for a 3D model. Yes, it looks much better in an real 3D object. I'll keep this as my drawing book then cause it's quite different from my normal style.
