False alarm

"No matter what, could you tell me the result?", said Kennis.

"Sure. Actually they'll probably shut my mouth by transferring me to have mammogram which takes ages to get the real result. I'll probably be dead by then. LOL... kidding. Don't worry." I was a bit anxious, to be honest, but her care made me warm. Seriously I needed some support though I would never initially ask for it.

"Have you told your family?" she went.

"Of course not. I don't even know what it is." It's my family's tradition to sweep all crappy worries under the bed. I felt guilty to let her worry about me on her birthday. She's pretty experienced in this aspect. That's why she asked me for so many details and she's utterly worried.


Two weeks before I went to the doctor, I pictured many different possible scenes in my head. Life is never easy. There are always something eating you or dragging you away from your happy bath ALL the time. However, like I said, sometimes the beauty of one thing is its limitation. Every life has an expiry date, so it's precious like spring flowers, like sunset, like fireworks. It never gets stronger without falling down for a hundred times.

Friday night, I was a bit stressed out by different things from work, the flat and other things. And health, of course. I was hoping for something. Something that could sooth me a little bit. I knew he had been busy all day long and felt extremely tired. And I of course didn't want to be an unreasonable girlfriend to drag him out from a city where's miles away from London.

On the way home, a mix of paranoia, loneliness, helplessness and imbalance hormones brought a tear in my eyes. I felt cold and sad... watching people walking past the lonely me, watching the sun going down below the horizon...

"What if I die?"
Couldn't imagine how much pain I would bring to my family...
Couldn't imagine how I would ask him to find a new girl and live happily...
Couldn't imagine ...


HALT ~~~~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!

The story stops here... because today the doctor said "I'm quite sure it's just normal tissues." "But it's firmer than other lumps, Dr." I replied. He went on, "yes, but it's normal."

"No need to scan?"

"No."

"What about this one??"

"It's a cyst under your skin which is quite common."

"No need to remove?"

"No."

I smiled. "But you have to self-check it regularly for sure." he added.


Right, thank God for letting me live longer! And all my ridiculous sci-fi imagination is gone now. :p Silly...

SO GOOD TO BE ALIVE!